Look up at the logo of this website. See the text under it? Now look at the wall of text that is this post. It is long. It is one part of many. It is the closest you can come to a direct feed from my brain. It turns out my brain is a bit of a weird place. Enjoy!

Today I would like to tell the tale of the most remarkable man in the world. Unfortunately for the world, not everyone knows who he is, so I will do my best to make this story as clear as possible for all of you who do not have the blessing of knowing this man. I met this man a bit more than a year and a half ago. I confused him for an asshole who thinks he’s a comedian and constantly references ancient British radio comedy shows, but who everyone prefers to just call “that asshole.” I confused that asshole for the most remarkable man in the world because they are both white males seemingly in their early 20s with the same hair color. But I came to realize my mistake, and spoke with the most remarkable man in the world and learned that he is a die hard fan of Arrested Development. Please remember what this means when being just a casual fan means you are forced to enjoy anything Michael Cera stars in. But this is not the story of how I met this man.

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As someone who is incredibly lazy, I obviously do not ever want to have what is colloquially called a “job.” Any kind of CV/resume/whatevs is therefore, of course, completely useless. Still, better safe than sorry, so for all of you who are dying to employ me, here you go:

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Curriculum Vitae

Name: Jeremy G. Oduber (the G stands for Gomorrah)

Day of Birth: December 18th sometime last century

Nationality: I’m from Dagobah, if that means anything

Gender: Is a performative construct caused by the forcible citation of norms. But I do have a penis. It is quite large.

Education

COLEGIO ARUBANO, Oranjestad, Renaissance Island, 2005

High School: Graduated Magna Cum Barely. Lol, cum.

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Ever since forever (which is to say, as long as I can remember remembering) people (which is to say, the people around me who believe themselves to have some sort of influence on me) have told me how lazy I am. “Work harder,” they said “and you can be something someday.” Be something… someday…

Consequently, being young, innocent, and stupid, I have spent most of my life (which is to say, my life up until this point in time, as I haven’t experienced what comes afterwards as of yet,  though I am sure I will) believing this. My entire sub-adult life has been one large attempt to overcome this laziness. Finding ways to become more productive, scheduling work and play, using all manner of tools, trying to give myself some kind of mystical thing the ancient space priests of Zjingoblarf call “discipline…” All kinds of shit, basically, to try and counter-act this horrible curse put upon me by a mysterious island on which time stands still (which is to say, Aruba, where laziness shines brightly onto your face from 7 in the morning until 7 at night. There is also a powerful and irrational smoke monster which is a threat to any living thing with even some brain activity, its name is “Parliament”).

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Note: I am by no means an expert on usability. I’m by no means an expert on anything, in fact, except perhaps paradoxically in not-being-an-expert. I’m not even sure if I know enough to be called a usability amateur, but I am interested and like all human entities I enjoy talking about stuff I find interesting.

The number one rule when working on the usability of any project you might be working on is this: People Are Goddamned Idiots.

Harsh? Yes. True? Yes. Case in point: Over the past few years, the public transport system in Ye Olde Dutchland has been shifting from primitive little cards which are used for an ancient ritual called “stamping” to fancy new high tech chipcards which are conveniently hackable. This is year is (supposed to be) the year in which that transition completes and all those grumpy old people will be forced to adjust to something which us spry young folks have been using for years. Read More »